Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

1.800.799.SAFE

Most people assume that physical abuse must be present before a relationship is considered “abusive.” Unfortunately, this misconception couldn’t be further from the truth.

Many physically abusive relationships start with non-physical symptoms, including:

• Name calling.
• Verbal abuse.
• Extreme jealousy or possession (This is one of the primary symptoms in an abusive relationship. If your partner has a problem with jealousy, the probability of your relationship being physically abusive later is extremely high.).
• Pressure to have sex or perform sexual acts that make you uncomfortable.
• Isolation from family and friends.
• Joking that is hurtful, shameful, embarrassing.
• Short temper.
• Blames you for their emotional state.
• Blames you when they hurt you.
• Frequent “accidents,” like shoving, pushing, hitting.
• Drug or alcohol abuse/dependency.

If you notice any of these symptoms in your relationship, you need to evaluate where your relationship is going and what the future may hold. Some key emotions that may help you further determine if your relationship is or may become abusive include:

• Fear that you will upset your partner.
• Resentment towards your partner after an argument.
• Depression.
• Low self-esteeem.

Many victims feel these very same emotions while in an abusive relationship.

I’m not going to sugar coat this folks. If you notice these symptoms and you continue to stay in the relationship, you are enabling it. You are allowing yourself to be victimized. The sooner you get out of the relationship, the sooner you can start to heal and regain your life back. You didn’t ask to start an abusive relationship, but if you stay, you play a part in the abuse.

You are worth so much more. You deserve to be loved, and love does not hurt, it does not control and it most definitely does not hit, yell or scream. You do not have to be a victim. In your situation, it is a choice. Trust me. I understand it isn’t easy to leave. I know that leaving is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. But I hope to empower you. To help you discover that there is a life free of abuse.

Know that I say this from experience. I have trudged through the same trench. Leaving was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life, but it was also the best decision. More than five years later, I am still healing from the experience, but I have a life that is free from abuse, free from put-downs, hitting, name-calling, control and isolation. I have a life that I am safe in and that my children are safe in.

If you are in an abusive relationship, get out now. More resources will be provided to you in this section at a later date, but if you need help now, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) immediately.